Teen Time is Parent Time

The teen years are difficult, not only for teens but for parents as well. Though there are no established rules for guiding teens, they benefit from firm, fair, explicit and consistent limits and having input into rules and decisions affecting them. Look for ways to work together on setting limits rather than imposing adult expectations on your teens. Both teens and parents need to know what to expect from each other and what is acceptable and not acceptable.

Review rules, expectations, responsibilities and privileges and adjust each of these as your teen matures. Teenagers need more freedom and privileges as their responsibilities increase. However, increasing privileges without adding responsibilities leaves teens with too much unstructured time on their hands. To fill their leisure time, teenagers, like adults, need positive activities that they enjoy and are committed to such as sports, academics, dance, art, music, service projects or church.

The more you know about adolescence, the better prepared you will be for the accompanying challenges of this development stage. It’s helpful to enroll in parenting classes when your children are preteens to help you prepare for their adolescent years. Classes can help you learn about puberty, fads, troublesome behaviors of teens and what they like and don’t like. Parents also need to prepare for teens’ additional expenses for clothes, food, insurance, school supplies, entertainment and transportation.

The beginning teenage years are a good time to think about helping children set realistic expectations about the future. For example, if children want to go to college, they need to know the importance of good grades as well as selecting appropriate classes and saving money for college. It is also a good time to reassess your own and your family’s values, ideas, hopes and goals.

Tips for Parenting Teenagers

• Be a wise counselor and a confidante to your teenagers. Be positive. Praise openly and sincerely.
• Be accessible so your teens can express their feelings. Keep lines of communication open.
• Don’t moralize or preach. Praise and rewards are much more powerful and effective, and they last longer than criticism and punishment.
• Be careful about different limits for teens in your home, even if they are different ages and genders. Avoid comparing your family’s rules with those of neighbors and friends.
• Confront problems and disagreements as they occur. Find a workable solution for both parties. Agree to disagree and accept compromises. Be somewhat flexible about limits but make clear what is not open for negotiation.
• Be a model of responsible and appropriate behavior.