When parents hold their newborn infant in their arms for the first time, they may be overwhelmed by many emotions and a huge sense of responsibility. The social, emotional and economic well-being of this new life is up to the parents for years to come. Young children need parents to guide and control many aspects of their lives. As the child approaches the teen years, however, the need for independence intensifies. Teens assert their desires to try new experiences and make choices on their own.

For teens and their families, the journey to independence can be stressful. Teens may behave in ways which assert their independence from the family, but the need for emotional support and stability still exists. One of the greatest difficulties in trying to become an adult can be establishing independence while maintaining a loving parent-child relationship. For teens, the struggle toward adulthood can seem risky, fearing loss of parental love. For the parents, who have cared for the child since infancy and have chosen the child’s clothes, food, recreation and housing for many years, this quest for independence can be hurtful and result in a feeling of rejection.

Parents can help their teenagers learn to become responsible, independent adults by giving them opportunities to make decisions. Teens who have a close relationship with parents and are allowed to make decisions with parental guidance learn to make wise choices, even when parents are not present. Keep in mind that it is the job of the teen to become independent and the job of the parent to help the child reach independence.

Ways Parents Can Help

• Find ways for the teen to be independent and responsible with appropriate structure, limits, adult guidance and support.
• Provide opportunities for the teen to make choices on his or her own.
• Help the teen feel good about himself or herself. Be sincere and generous with praise. Provide ways for your teen to discover what he or she can do well.
• Be a good role model. Your teen will learn more from what you do than from what you say. Be caring, responsible and honest.