GRANDPARENTS ASSISTING GRANDCHILDREN: IN TIMES OF STRESS
Childhood stress has many sources, both positive and
negative. Stress is a normal part of life and living. Many
children experience stress as a result of common changes, such as
starting to school or day care, the birth of a new baby, illness,
separation or divorce, change of parent's employment, moving to a
new location, or death in the family.
Unusual and traumatic stresses are, when children may be
homeless, live in fear from violence in their schools or
neighborhoods, or survivors of a natural disaster. They may also
be children having children. Drugs, alcohol, and/or abuse may be
a part of their lives.
Recognizing that stress do exist, it is important to ensure
that basic physical needs are also met. We should provide
children with basic coping skills to prepare them for the future
challenges of life instead of trying to shield them. Grandparents
can be effective role models of how to cope with stress for their
grandchildren.
SYMPTOMS TO BE AWARE OF
It is important to remember that children go through change
as a natural part of their development. No two children or
situations are exactly alike. Children may benefit from
different types of support.
Look for behaviors that are not the norm for the child.
Noticeable emotional, social, physical, and intellectual changes
may be a signal to check out the possibility of stress as a
factor.
Emotionally, a child under stress may appear more fearful,
sensitive, tense, aggressive, greedy, angry, restless, and/or
irritable. If a child does not know why he or she feels this
way, stress could be a factor.
Socially, a child under stress may be more aggressive or
withdrawn. Both of these symptoms can lead to feelings of
isolation, which may increase stress levels.
Physically, children under stress may be more prone to
accidents, illness, ulcers, and/or headaches. They may have
lower energy levels, and trouble with constipation or diarrhea
even though they are healthy. They may grind their teeth during
sleep.
Intellectually, children under stress may be easily
distracted or restless. They may have difficulty concentrating
or making decisions. Their expression may seem dull or vacant.
They may be preoccupied with images of monsters or other threats,
and/or day dream more than usual.
HOW CAN I HELP?
1. Set realistic expectations for the child's developmental
level.
2. Contribute to the child's positive self-esteem by
providing encouragement.
3. Nurture and cherish the child. Say "I love you." Give a
hug. Accept them for who they are.
4. Guide children by letting them know when behavior is
acceptable. Verbally recognize positive behavior.
5. When unacceptable behavior occurs, redirect children by
stating their options. Help them find acceptable ways to express
negative feelings.
6. Communicate using I messages: When_________________I feel
_______________ because ________________.
7. Take time to develop mutual respect and trust.
8. Listen to what the child is saying. Look at what you
think the child's body language is telling you. Then take time
to talk with the child.
9. Model appropriate ways to deal with stress and change.
10. Spend time together. Interact with the child. Make use
of each opportunity to share time, heritage, thoughts, and
experiences.
11. Allow the child to help you when appropriate. Be patient
as it may take longer to complete the task when the child is
helping you.
12. Discipline using logical consequences. Limit the use of
"time out."
13. Provide a space for their things while children are with
you.
14. Remember the value of laughter.
15. Encourage the parent to seek professional help.
In conclusion, it is important to recognize that stress do
exist, it is a normal part of life and living. Grandparents can
be effective role models of how to cope with stress for their
grandchildren.
Barbara C. Strong is the Family Education Assistant with the
N.C. Cooperative Extension Service, Guilford County Center. To
get in touch with her, call (336) 375-5876 or write: 3309
Burlington Road, Greensboro, NC 27405.