Venting Feelings in Times of Crisis

Listening

In times of trouble and crisis, many people need someone who will just listen. Talking makes the burden seem a little lighter and easier to bear.

If you are feeling blue or down, contact a friend or neighbor, a family member, your pastor or rabbi, or someone else you feel you can really talk to as a friend.

If you find yourself called upon to listen to someone who just wants to talk, listen. Some people will feel very much alone and afraid; others will blame themselves and wonder, “Why me?” They are not really looking for an answer to that question but are saying, “How can I endure this?” and “How can I go on?” Solutions, answers, and advice aren’t necessary. Just listen and let the troubled person talk. If your friend or neighbor needs to cry, let him or her. Crying releases feelings of sadness.

If your friend or neighbor is angry or frustrated, allow him or her to express these feelings, too. Remember, the anger is not directed at you. It reflects a feeling of loss of control over the situation, material possessions, and home or business.

Providing Support

Sometimes people who are very upset or frightened are embarrassed about expressing these feelings. They may feel they are acting weak, or that they have dumped on you. Reassure your friend by saying that their feelings are normal and perfectly understandable. Be sure that your friend knows you will listen again, if he or she needs to talk.

People who experience a serious loss, such as a death or major injury, go through a grieving process. It is important to be available during this period and also to provide support after the crisis is over. At these times, when the crisis has passed and other people have returned to their routines, feelings of sadness and aloneness are often greatest.

One of the most effective ways of coping is to look positively at even the most difficult situations. After you have listened to problems, help your friend look at any positive things that have come from the experience. For example, is your family closer? Help her or him to look toward the future, when things will be better. Spiritual support often helps people survive a disaster. Your friend may find reassurance and hope in prayer, in time alone to reflect, or with his or her religious community.

If someone you know is very depressed and you do not feel you are able to help, be sure he or she does get help from a trained professional. Suggest a counselor, member of the religious community, social worker, or support group to help your friend through this period.

Adapted by Wayne Matthews, Extension Human Development Specialist, Family and Consumer Sciences, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, NC State University, from Stress and Coping with Disaster by Karen DeBord, Marty Baker, Ami O’Neill, University of Missouri.
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