Building Marital Strengths
COMMITMENT
*Realistic Expectations
Reasonable expectations help a couple to stay optimistic--not disillusioned
*Shared Expectations
Partners with similar--and selfless--goals create focus, trust, and teamwork
*Dedication
Loyalty, affection, and giving show and grow love
*Constraints
Expectations of friends, investments, and moral beliefs discourage breakup
*Time Together
Prioritizing couple time avoids drifting apart
*Growth Orientation
Staying in love through difficulty and change takes hard work and learning
COMPATIBILITY
*Accepting Differences
Valuing differences builds self-esteem and sharing of each partner's talents
"Bringing out the best" does not mean trying to change one's partner
*Patience, Perseverence
Even happy couples have to work out differences in personality, roles, finances, sex, parenting attitudes
*Common Ground
No two people are exactly alike; emphasize agreements
Awareness of 'red flag' issues can avert destructive conflict
*Agreeing to Disagree
Love doesn't mean agreeing on everything
Respect for different views, compromise, or the aid of a counselor or mediator can help balance the "me" and "us" of marriage
COMMUNICATION
*Active Listening
Tuning into a partner's viewpoint; repeating ideas or feelings to check meaning
*Speaking Love
Speaking for self only
Describing vs. blaming
Taking turns sharing ideas
*Coping with Conflict
Staying calm, thinking things out, using humor
Avoiding negatives: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, withdrawal
*Problem Solving
Taking one step at a time
Seeking more information
Taking a long-term view
*Affirmation
Saying "I love you" in varied ways, often
Respect partnership and individuality
Building Marital Strengths
CONNECTIONS
*Practical Exchanges
A variety of friends and family who can exchange favors lightens the load
*Emotional Support
Esteem, encouragement, and emergency aid extend family resources and couple caring
*Caring for Others
Community volunteering and helping friends enhances family pride
*Individual Friendships
Companionship, support, and mentoring by friends or family adds energy and insight to marriage
*Professional Help
Books or educators offer valuable information and skills for life challenges
Counselors help couples get "unstuck" fromproblems or work through crises
