Parent-child communication:
setting the tone at the crib
By Ben Silliman, University
of Wyoming Cooperative Extension Family Life Specialist
Communication between parents
and children, especially teenagers, is the most important element in reducing
risks, such as drug abuse, school failure or delinquency, and increasing
children’s successes, says Ben Silliman, University of Wyoming Cooperative
Extension family life specialist. Silliman explains that greater openness,
empathy and assertiveness can improve family relations at any point during
a child’s growing up years, but the biggest difference occurs when parents
engage children from the beginning.
A baby may not seem the best
conversation partner; however, an infant needs caring communication more
in the first 12 months than at any other time in life. Simple acts of touching,
cuddling, feeding or changing communicate powerful messages of kindness
and security. Caregiver talk helps the infant brain focus attention and
begin organizing his or her world.
What a parent says is not
as important as how it is said. Babies respond best to relaxed eye contact,
face-to-face attention and soft or high-pitched words. Changing expressions
from smiles to raised eyebrows to sad frowns or silly grins provides variety
and interest for the young viewer. Attention may span only a few seconds,
but an engaged child will soon return her gaze to the source of the fun.
This rhythm of attention and rest builds the foundation of give-and-take
that is essential in positive communication.
Parent communication is most
critical when a baby is alarmed or agitated. Whining, crying or screaming
can make many adults tense, angry or withdrawn. But those who hear it as
a cry for help rather than a judgment on their parenting can reach beyond
the noise to nurture. A parent who takes a moment to calm down, investigate
possible reasons for the cries and then calm the baby communicates caring.
Such attention does not spoil a child or encourage more crying. Rather,
touching and speaking softly set the tone for the infant’s mood. Over time,
the child will learn to self-soothe under stress.
Effective communication during
play and stressful times is important for both children and adults. This
skill can be learned without words in the early months of life.
